Testy Universe

Ouch!  Today hurt a bit. I’ve read that when you commit to something, the universe tests that commitment.  My test is something that hurts. Any artist can identify with me and so I feel it only fair to share what led me to this predicament.  

As many of you know, I am a very goal oriented person. Lately I felt my life was in disarray. Nothing really was planned and life was just passing me by.  It wasn’t going slowly either, but rather the speed of a freight train. Life pushed and pushed and I was determined to push back. How I was going to do that was my first question. I thought back to a post from a year ago about goals (click here). It was time to re-read it.

After consideration, I decided my goal was to once again write every day.  Yesterday was going to be my first day.  Before I had the chance to write I found the following quote barely legible in my chicken scratch on a old faded piece of paper. It was so bad I couldn’t even read who said it.

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

Excellence is not an act, it is a habit."

In order to be sure that I accomplished my goals I was determined to write last night.  It was nearly midnight and I worked early the next morning. I didn’t care. If there was ever a time, it was now to form the habit. So...I spent some time writing.  You’d think that was my test. Exhaustion I could handle.

I was determined to not let another late night happen.  With my laptop pulled out and flash drive inserted I felt it was going to be a productive day of writing.  DEAD WRONG!  Somehow I lost all of my book except the first chapter.  It was backed up on computer and flash drive.  Apparently that was not enough.

As an artist (photographer, writer, etc...), I’m sure that if you lost a piece of work that you’d spent a lot of time on you’d feel the pain.  It’s a pain that lingers still...kinda like the smell of a stinky fart. This was my challenge. My test from the universe. A simple finger click that destroyed my written art and left me feeling discouraged, depleted, and lost.

For and instant the feeling of despair made me consider quitting. I’m not a quitter. It’s not my nature. Instead of giving up I reached deep.  Reaching out to others is what it took to give me a better perspective.  As with all things in life, perspective makes all the difference. “Is the glass half empty or half full?”

I get the chance to rewrite those chapters and make them better than before.  Guess that’s what my work needed to be “world class.”  This principle applies to anything in life. For example, my second marriage, I can learn from my first and make it last for time and eternity.  My second child (on the way – my little princess) will provide me with new lessons to learn. Life is about learning, growing, serving, and joy.  Even in the trials we can be grateful. 

Although the pain of the loss lingers, it has helped me remember perspective. It’s time to get tough, grit out the challenges and make something of this life. LIFE IS GREAT! GOD IS GREAT!    

Happiness is a Choice

Have you ever had a where you doubted your abilities? They can be challenging days to stay positive. I had to continually remind myself to stay positive today (and often found myself in a negative mood for a few moments). I think the worst part was actually recognizing the negativity and the impacts it had on others.

As many of you are away, my goal in life is to be a positive impact in the lives of others. I figure the first step in helping others is to be able to be positive yourself.  That's one of the reasons why I love my girlfriend...she is always reminding me to think more positively, always being that inspiration for me!

Over the past 3 weeks I've been at a new job. I spent the last 2 weeks out of town in North Carolina, training for the job. The training was more systems based and less sales training. For me, I could have learned the systems in 1 day and spent the rest of the time really learning the sales process in the industry.

Today was my first real day doing outbound cold calls to business to sell and get business. It's a rough industry to start out in but I have a good base + commission. I also have a few clients I am already working with, making things feel a little better. I've been doing sales for years and I have felt comfortable on the phone, yet for some reason today I felt like things weren't clicking....that I wasn't getting it.

It took a very conscious reminder that I can do this and that I am given a very liberal "ramp" up schedule because they understand that this business takes time. I'm just now realizing that I should have come up with some form of visual aid to remind me of my abilities.  Even if it is just writing those reminders down on a piece of paper multiple times throughout the day.

Instead of treading water for the entire day I prayed....kept praying for help....then focused on the results.  Things started to turn around in the afternoon after a break for lunch (food definitely helped...and talking to my girlfriend).

Later in the evening I held a family home evening. Ian (my boy) was not listening very well this evening (well lately in general).  A conversation about discipline ensued and how Ian needs to have more discipline while at my house. I'm sure it's been as hard on him going from mom's, dad's, and sitter's.  I think that has added to part of his struggles with discipline lately.  No excuses though....what really hurt me is that for a little bit I felt like I wasn't capable of being the dad he needed. That thought quickly dissipated though as I realized that if I didn't worry about being a better father every day then I wasn't really as good a father as I could and should be.  

When I sit back and think about it, I truly am a pretty good dad. I care, I fight for my time with him. I love him dearly and he knows it. I focus on trying to raise him with good standards and provide the best life for him. We pray, we do family home evening, we go to church, we study the scriptures, and I talk with him about the important things in life.

It's taking a few minutes to think about all the good things (even if there is room for improvement) that make one happy. Being happy makes all the difference in success. People can tell when you are happy. People love being around other happy people.

Lessons learned today

·         Pray for Help

·         Take Action

·         Find Visual Reminders

·         Write Down What You Are Good At

·         Remember Those That Love You

Other lessons I've learned since I last wrote include the importance of the Gospel in my life.  Many of you may know my background, others may not so I'll briefly share. During my childhood and early adult life I went to church always. There was a moment I questions things but quickly gained a knowledge of the gospel and served a mission (I learned a lot about the gospel and life in general while there). 1 1/2 yrs after I returned I got married in the temple and shortly after that somehow fell away from the church.  Not sure how it happened....I could make excuses but it happened.

Off and On during the next 7 years I tried to get back. I lived the standards (except going to church) Habits are hard to break (free Sundays to do what you want). Finally, after years of effort I was able to get back consistently (for well over a year now). This past week I missed church because I was in North Carolina and had no way to get there.  Even with daily scripture studies, missing church and sacrament one week took so much out of me. It was a tough week not having been able to participate in such a sacred ordinance. It felt so good to get back to church yesterday, further instilling my determination to not let life get in the way of my salvation (and the salvation of my family).

So...the lesson learned is really the importance of regular church attendance. I will never let experiences of my past happen again and I will always put God first in my life. It was a lesson I wish had been learned the easy way...but it wouldn't have meant as much to me if it had been easy. I wouldn't have known what it means to have the joy of the gospel in my life, at least not in the same way I do now. I won't sacrifice that joy again. It is too important to me. It's all about the eternities!

Basically...tonight I am just grateful and reminded that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE!!!

The Power of a Smile

It's been a few days since I've posted. I guess that's what happens during a busy holiday weekend. Parts of it didn't go as expected and others went even better than expected. Overall it was a splendid weekend full of great memories, fun, and just overall good times. Saddest part is that I've had so many different ideas on things to post over the past few days. I thought I'd have time...I was mistaken. That's ok though because my weekend brought a smile to my face and that's what matters, happiness!

There's something to say about the power of a smile! Have you ever just sat there and smiled (not for any reason besides just to smile) for 2 minutes straight. Don't stop, the muscles in your face will likely start to hurt. Push through it. Once the time is up feel free to stop. Even though it hurts I bet you can't stop smiling easily. I'll even go out on a ledge and bet you had fun and laughed at yourself for doing it at least once. Ok, maybe you didn't but I sure did! :)

There's something powerful about a smile. One of my favorite quotes says

"A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!"

 Author Unknown

Maybe that's why everyone loves to hang around me. LOL!  Seriously though, think about the people that inspire you the most in life. What is it that attracts you to them? I'll bet it is the smile, coupled with a positive attitude. What if I were to tell you that you can be that person? YOU CAN!!!!  It's not easy, it takes work. It's a choice. You must step outside of your comfort zone. Another one of my favorite quotes

"If you want to be successful,

 you must be willing to be uncomfortable."

Gil Eagles

Being uncomfortable isn't easy. Especially for those who strive for perfection. Forget perfection.  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated "Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with." It's time to get out of our own way and push past the fear and discomfort. We are who we are, let's make a difference in the world being that person! I'll post more about this later this week (about Being Comfortable in Our Own Skin). For now, make that conscious effort to smile.

Several months ago I was sitting in the courtroom waiting for the commissioner to enter and hear my custody battle case. While waiting, the attorney's and someone who worked in the court system (guessing scribe or something) were chatting.  I don't remember much about their conversation but one line stuck out to me "I felt like I had to shower when he left the room." What impact do we have on a room when we leave? That's a profound thought. Be honest with yourself.

For those that have known me long enough. I was once that super bright, bubbly person. A person that everyone loved spending time with. Then for unknown reasons I let life get to me. Life kicked me down. It held me there. Didn't let me catch a breath. Depression kicked in. I felt sorry for myself.  I was that person that when I left people wanted to take a shower.  Am I proud of it. NO. I tell you this because I know that no matter where you are that you can be who you want to be.   

When I think back I realize that life wasn't what caused my issues, I did. Life hasn't changed, it continues to throw difficult challenges my way. In fact, due to a lack of expected performance at work (not due to lack of effort) I may be unemployed shortly. If that happens, I have already chosen to not let it get me down. I don't know what the future holds for me....but what I do know is that a positive attitude goes a long way. I figure, it may just be the universe pushing me on to something better!

If you keep struggling with this even though you are trying, it may be time to step up and ask a friend or two to help remind you to be positive if you start down the wrong path. Having support can make a huge difference in being who you want to be. I have so many people in my life that are supportive. I want to thank them all (whether they read this or not). Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today and I won't be even better tomorrow!

Many of you may have heard the verbiage that everyone brightens a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. Smile when you enter a room, smile when you leave...because when you smile, you'll find yourself happier and you'll change the lives of those you spend your time with. Don't be the one that brightens the room when they leave! 

A Fathers' Love

Today I didn't feel like I had the inspiration that I needed to accomplish the things I had planned on accomplishing. In retrospect I believe it all had to do with how I started my day.

Nope...I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I just woke up late. I forgot to set my alarm  and my normal backup alarm, Ian (my son) who wakes up by 7:30 nearly every morning slept in till after I woke up. I was stressed, running way late for work. Spending a few minutes with my son calmed that stress right down...how can one be stressed when they have the ability to spend quality time (even if only for a few moments) with someone they love!

No matter what happens I always make that quality time with Ian. He deserves it! Most days he gives that quality time back. Tonight's scripture study sums up that love that a parent has for their child.

"Greater love hath no man than this,

that a man lay down his life for his friends"

John 15:13

I would give and do anything for Ian. I've been blessed with such a wonderful little boy! This can't be that bad a morning can it? It really was a pretty good. So why, you ask does the way my morning started have anything to do with why I didn't have the inspiration to accomplish my goals?

Simple...I didn't make time to pray this morning. OK...I prayed in my heart many times, but I didn't take the time to kneel down and pray. It's amazing how such a simple act of kneeling down, giving thanks, and asking for a loving Father's help can make such a difference in a day.

Think about God's power and love for all of us. We are His children. Knowing all that I would sacrifice for Ian I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father is willing to do for me (all of us really) when I just make a few minutes to talk with Him. I didn't get the inspiration I needed until I took a moment to kneel down tonight and ask for His help on what I should write. All day I felt something was missing and I didn't realize it until I asked for His help. I'm glad I did. Lesson learned.

You should notice that as I've written I specifically stated "make time" vs. "take time." To me this is important. When we make time we are sacrificing something for the greater good. This is a test of our faith and we in the long run are rewarded by his love! Make the time until it becomes so routine that you are taking the time. Once you are there, you'll find that there are plenty of other things in your life that you'll need to make time for.

There's a verbiage out there of "fake it till you make it." If your faith is shaken and you don't feel that God is listening, I promise you that He is. It is something that you're sacrifice (faking it until you make it - i.e. making time to pray) will help you re-establish that relationship. It takes time. It's like any relationship, you don't feel close to someone after meeting them for the first time and only talking for a few minutes. In recently building a relationship I've found that we've spent hours and hours on the phone talking and getting to know one another. If we were to talk for only 5 minutes a day, there wouldn't be a relationship. Making time, quality time is imperative for any relationship. Kneeling gives that quality time, keeping that prayer in your heart will continue to "build" that relationship. If 5 minutes is all you have a day, start there. Pray for help to build the habit. Before you know it you'll find yourself missing your daily prayer when it was skipped.

Remember, good habits get better with time. A word of caution though, bad habits get worse with time. It's the patterns (i.e. prayer, scripture study, positive attitudes, etc...) you create in life (good or bad) that make you who you are. I challenge you to MAKE the time to pray!

Give Yourself a Little Credit!

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I don’t always give myself enough credit for who I am or what I do. Each one of us does so many different things that make us unique. More often than not, these things are great things…….yet we don’t give ourselves credit for them. There is absolutely no reason for me denying myself credit for something well done. Actually, it does more harm than you would expect.            

Before we get into the harm and ways to give yourself credit, I wanted to share an example from a book I’ve been reading (Art and Fear). I thought this little story sums up nicely how most everyone feels.

Consider the story of a young student – well, David Bayles, to be exact – who began piano studies with a Master.  After a few months’ practice, David lamented to his teacher, “But I can hear the music so much better in my head than I can get out of my fingers.”  

             To which the Master replied, “What makes you think that ever changes?”

I believe the reason why I don’t give myself enough credit is due to the fact that I feel that I could have done better; that things didn’t work out as planned. “What makes you think that ever changes?”

For me, it’s partly my drive to be perfect that kills me. My misuse of the term “perfect” really hurts me. Our brain hears everything we say as it really means. Subconsciously it doesn’t interpret the sarcasm or intent behind the words. Perfect by definition is “entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings” or “excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement.” There has only ever been one perfect person, Jesus Christ. I know that in this life we are to follow his example. Yet we know that we won’t reach perfection in this life. So why then do we hold ourselves to such high standards?

I believe that much of the depression that plagues our society is because of the deceptive expectations set vs. reality. One’s perception is one’s reality. Changing your perception (for good or bad) doesn’t happen overnight. I sure wish it did.  Positively changing it takes work, dedication, and consistency.  Think of it like a diet or exercise, one day a week won’t yield the results you want. It takes a daily focus.  

So, what can we do to keep ourselves motivated to move forward rather than beat ourselves up? Lots of little things.  Let’s get into those things.

First, we need to define the goal. Rather than being “perfect” we should be striving to be better than we were yesterday; continually staying on the straight and narrow path that will one day  lead us to exaltation.

Second, we must remember that we all fall. In the movie Batman Begins it is summed up very well when Alfred says to Bruce Wayne “Took quite a fall, didn’t we, Master Bruce?” followed by Bruce’s dad asking “And why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” I love how it wasn’t just a fall but rather quite the fall.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that no matter what the setback we can learn our lessons, get up, be better moving forward, and be happy.

Third, measure the small successes.  Take a moment to look at what you’ve accomplished. Be proud of what you’ve done. For example…yesterday I had a goal to have my blog post done first thing in the morning. That didn’t happen. Rather than focus on the fact that I didn’t get it done when I wanted, I focused on the fact that I actually posted it. If I hadn’t finished it, it would have been best to focus on the fact that the blog is up and running and there to help people.

Fourth, don’t compare yourself to others (only yourself). Every person is in a different place in life and has different talents. When I started photography I looked to others for inspiration. Eventually I started to compare myself to them. It can be depressing seeing someone better than you and have yourself criticizing your own work as a result.  When I look back at my photography in the beginning stages I can see how far I have come.  Celebrate those successes!  You’ve come a long way from where you were.

Fifth and finally, be sure to take a few moments every day to give yourself praise for what you’ve done well that day. Start with naming 5 things you’ve done well and are proud of. It may be difficult at first but don’t stop until you do. You’ll find that very quickly your list is easily 10-15+ items. Be sure that you don’t let the desire to be humble affect your ability to accept your own personal praise (that’s a hard one for me that I’m working on).

I can’t claim to be the best person at putting all of these into practice. They take time and energy. I’m working on them (some are easier for me than others) but I have noticed that as they are implemented in my life, happiness abounds. Get out there and give yourself credit, YOU DESERVE IT!

Never Wake Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

Yesterday morning I experienced something I wish no-one ever had to experience. Most people describe it as “waking up on the wrong side of the bed.”  For lack of a better word I was feeling “grumpy”. Rather than let that rule my day like I may have done in the past, I decided I would take actions to improve my attitude.
 

“Attitudes are a secret power working 24 hours a day, for good or bad.”

— Author Unknown

I’ve learned that it does me absolutely no good to dwell in negativity. I can choose to be unhappy….or….I can choose to be happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Why then do so many people choose to focus on the negative in life? I wish I had that answer. Sometimes I feel like it is human nature (the natural man) that gravitates towards negativity.

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances,

but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”

- Hugh Downs

Knowing that our attitude is what will really make us happy as well as work for our own good we should take a moment to figure out what we can do to have a good attitude versus a negative one.

I did a bit of research in scholarly journals and found two interesting thoughts. First, Kalevi Korpela noted that people in a “In comparison with low negative mood  scorers, high negative mood   scorers were significantly more often alone in their favorite places or only with passers-by.” I can attest that when you live a life alone it can put you into a negative mood. Find ways to fill your life with people. Don’t just fill it with anybody; make sure you fill it with positive people. If you spend all your time with negative people, their negative attitudes will soak into your soul and you’ll quickly find you have a negative mood.
 

The second talks about meditation and the impacts that it can have on health and negative moods. James Lane, Jon Seskevich, and Carl Peiper state that “a simple meditation technique can improve   negative mood   and perceived stress in healthy adults, which could yield long-term health benefits.”   We are so busy in life that we often don’t even take a few minutes to help ourselves out. We just let the stress, frustration, or negativity with is from moment to moment. Sometimes it’s good to take a few minutes to relax and refocus our energies into something positive.

Let’s be honest, I don’t know much about meditation. It’s something I need to take up because it’s easy to see the differences that it could make in my life. A quick search online shows many different sites with advice on how to meditate. Click here for a link that I found that gives tips for beginners or go out and find something for yourself! Other things that I’ve found help improve a rough mood is to get physical activity! Even just walking around the office for a few minutes can make all the difference. Talking to someone that means the world to you can also help! I’m sure there are other things too. I’d love to hear what you do to help overcome those grumpy mornings and salvage an otherwise difficult day.

Keep your head up. Remember how many people care for you! Take a few minutes to meditate, and find a way to spend your time with positive people that mean the most to you. Let’s share what works or what you think might help so we can all benefit from it!

To Be Grateful

Being grateful is very powerful in helping keep a positive attitude. It’s even more powerful in getting through a rough day. Try it sometime. Take a moment to write down all the things in your life from which you are grateful. If it’s a friend, family member, or hero, send them a text email or call them to say thanks for being there for you. This works because you start to take the focus off yourself and place it onto the people you care about.

A co-worker/friend shared with me a story where she focused on expressing gratitude daily. This was something she did for a year and a half.  She shared how the act of taking a few minutes daily to remember what she is grateful for made a huge difference in her life.

Praying daily and giving thanks also helps to improve your personal attitude. Try praying sometime and not asking for anything. Give thanks for all you have. Whether that be the roof over your head, warm water, food to eat, family that’s there for you, your health, a smile, etc… There’s always so much to be grateful for, remember it, be grateful for it and you’ll find even more things to be grateful for. As you start to impact others’ lives with your gratitude you'll find that your own life has been impacted even more. It always ends up    

I’ve expressed my desire to change the world. Giving gratitude solely in prayer helps you and only indirectly others. Take the time to express your gratitude to those around you. It’ll change your world and it will change the world of those around you. That gratitude can be expressed via service (publicly or secretly). If you don’t feel like expressing gratitude because you’ve never had it expressed, remember to fake it till you make it. I promise that it will change your life!

Most of the rest of this post is an excerpt / slightly modified from a post I made in November.

There are many things for which I should be grateful. The list could go on for days. Do I recognize all of them? I wish.  Some of the biggest things on my list are family and friends. I’m especially grateful those in my life who have gone out of their way to make me feel loved. Surely you know who you are. J

The more time progresses, the more evident it is that people are what mean everything in life; not money or possessions. It’s the quality time, meaningful conversations, laughter, and a shoulder to cry on that make life worthwhile. People fill that empty void in life. You shouldn’t fill that void with just anyone.

The wrong person can slowly drag you down (speaking from experience). That person may not be a bad person just not the right influence and support you need in life. The right person/people make all the difference. They can inspire, motivate, and enhance your life. I love these people in my life.

Two goals have been running through my mind while writing this. First, I need to be aware of who I am and do everything I can to be the “right” friend. This seems like a selfish goal because when I help others I always feel like I’m the one who ends up on top. Second, I need to surround myself with more of these high quality people. Don’t forget to be the grateful friend, relative, or co-worker! Your happiness will thank you for it!