Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk

There are so many things that happen in life to distract us. Often they are small insignificant things when you look at them in the “big picture.”  Maybe it’s a snowstorm that delays your return home on a day you’re not feeling well. It could be an injury, or maybe you burnt the turkey for thanksgiving. Whatever it is, it’s not worth crying over. There’s a reason the phrase “don’t cry over spilled milk” exists. 

When we realize that the small stuff isn’t worth sweating over, we can focus on the positive in life, the big picture. What is your big picture?  For me it is family.  I’m talking about the joy that comes from having a family and knowing that I can spend eternity with them. 

Too often in today’s society, rather than taking the time to fix something that might be broke, we throw it away for something new.  That mentality has trickled into family. There are too many divorces. I admit, I have been a part of those numbers. It wasn’t my choice ultimately but I could have fought harder to save my marriage.  Luckily God provides a second chance for us and I met an amazing woman who means the world to me.

I bring up the fault in today’s society to point out that all too often those problems in a marriage are the result of “small things” that have escalated to “big things”.  My wife and I used to quarrel about something as simple as our definition of “choice.”  To clarify, I loathe green beans. The taste, texture, and smell disgust me.  She says it is my choice to not like green beans.  I do admit that I probably over-exaggerate my dislike of green beans, but that ultimately my dislike for green beans isn’t a choice, its nature.   Early in our marriage we let little things like that cause fights.  WHAT??? So silly and stupid.  As we’ve matured (I’d like to think I’ve matured), we’ve realized that those little things make us different and ultimately help us work well together. Realizing that simple fact, we have been able to solidify our relationship even more.

One thing I must caution when thinking about the little things is that we can’t just ignore the little things.  God teaches that we learn “precept upon precept.”  We take each little problem, we improve it, and ultimately are better people as a result. Dwelling on failures just depresses you.

Example here. A few months ago I had ACL Reconstructive surgery.  The pain has subsided overall but it still nags consistently in almost everything I do.  Today for the first time I was able to go down the stairs without too much of an issue.  It was something that I had been working on little by little. Step by step (literally).  It didn’t it didn’t happen overnight. It hurt, it was slow, yet ultimately as I accomplished it. A feeling of success and joy came to me. 

Back to my first example of burning turkey, maybe you burned it for thanksgiving but come Christmas you can redeem yourself. Maybe next year if you don’t have dinner plans on thanksgiving. There’s always a way to bring joy and accomplishment in your life.  Don’t let the little things get you down. Rise above, it makes all the difference in your happiness!

Don't You Dare Look Back

Its been a little bit since I last posted. Not that I haven’t written but I haven’t completed anything. I’ve been writing during my lunch break and a new topic arises but I can’t seem to finish before the break ends and don’t feel the motivation to finish the topic I was writing at a later point. For that I apologize. 

Today’s topic comes from another song. Music touches my soul more than I’d like to admit. It makes me realize how important it is to let the right kind of music enter my world.  The song this time teaching me is  “Shut Up and Dance.” The specific phrase from that song “don’t you dare look back” is what taught me this time. It got me to thinking, too often in life we spend looking back. How healthy is it to spend your time in the past? 

Whether you are focused on good times or bad times looking back can hurt.  There are many joyous moments, and as unfortunate as it is, just as many challenging moments in life. The obvious observation is that when someone focuses on the bad times, hope is lost.  Who wants to live a life without hope? In researching the definition of hope I found several answers. 

•             To feel that something desired may happen
•             The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. 

When you look at these definitions, it shows a desire for something good to happen. Without hope, motivation is lacking. Without motivation, there is no action. No action and I’ve found you enter depression.  Having gone through years of clinical depression I do not wish that on anyone. Simply think about what you are spending your time “looking back” at.

On the flip side of that, you might be looking back at a positive moment in life. This is something that I know all to well. One of my passions (photography) is focused on just this, looking back at the good moments.  Spend too much time here and you may get yourself in a similar place. This time despair, thinking that you can’t recreate the moment you had once. This is equally as troublesome.

 
One thing I’ve learned is that it is best to live in the moment. Admittedly that is much more difficult to do than it is to say.  Besides avoiding too much time looking back what other advice does everyone have to live in the moment?

“It’s More Than A Feeling”

The other day the song “hooked on a feeling” got stuck in my head.  There have been times when a random song pops in my head. One I haven’t heard for a long while. Sometimes in those moments I don’t remember more than a specific phrase sticks in my mind and cannot remember the rest of the song.  When this happens, I’ve learned to think about the phrase that sticks in my mind and learned that usually there is a lesson for me to be learned. 

The song stuck in my head was “hooked on a feeling” by Joel Gustafsson but the song the words that came to mind were “It’s more than a feeling” (a song by Boston).  A little insight into my crazy mind. LOL. There are a few things that come to mind with that phrase.  First off is my faith and recent announcements. Secondly it’s the feelings I’ve been having. Let’s look at those. I hope that the insight helps someone.

                It’s more than a feeling with regards to my faith comes after years of practice. I was once told that the best way to increase faith is to sacrifice something. I’ve been doing that little by little over the past several years and thru life experiences know that God directs his church here thru living prophets and apostles. This is where the phrase “more than a feeling” really hits home, it IS more than a feeling for me. I KNOW HE LIVES! I KNOW that the LDS Church is HIS established church on earth in this dispensation.   

What saddens me is all of the controversy associated with a recent announcement by these prophets about (read more about it here).  In simple terms, you either believe or you don’t that Christ’s church has once again been established on Earth today, that his power and authority exists or you don’t.  If they do exist, and his prophets are guided by Him, then this announcement comes from him and there is no reason to doubt.  Too many people are using this as an excuse to distance themselves from a lifestyle that isn’t always easy. Giving 10% of your earnings plus a generous fast offering, living the word of wisdom, serving others and sacrificing your time for His cause, among other things can all be difficult to do.  Making an excuse to say His church is led by men and not Him undermines your entire faith. 

Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about life and how to live it. I respect your decisions. Questioning your faith helps in many ways. I recommend asking the tough questions. However, there is a time and place to express those questions. Social media is not the place to do that.  It is just part of Satan’s plan to try and coerce others into falling away.  Take your time to discuss your questions and concerns with our Heavenly Father. He will answer you. Give Him time.  Ponder the topic, have an intelligent discussion with some friends about it privately.

As for me, I know what I know, believe what I believe, and trust in Him to guide me. I’m here to talk to if you need someone and know that I love and care for you regardless of your beliefs.

                “More than a feeling” also hit me in another way.  For anyone that was unaware I recently had ACL reconstructive surgery to fix the ACL tear I had playing soccer a few months ago. The pain has been consistent, nagging, annoying. I’ve been “Feeling” it all day, all night. Sleep has found a void in my life. My positive attitude feels to have left me a bit and I have felt too much. It’s taken a toll on me. 

More than a feeling helped me remember that this is a reminder to me of what others around my might be experiencing.  My depression has creeped back in, not full force but it is there lingering waiting for a place to enter my life. It’s more than a feeling.  I once experienced about 3 years of debilitating depression. This is one of the things I feel led to my divorce.  Thinking back, I realize one of the things I had in common was a consistent regiment of ibuprofen (at that time it was to combat the pain of a broken bone in my ankle and my consistently pushing myself athletically). Maybe these feelings are more than a feeling but something physical.

I don’t know where I read or how accurate it is but somewhere I read that pain meds don’t only treat and minimize pain but they also minimize happiness, feelings in general.  Now that I am aware of this, I can work to help combat the impacts of it in my life. I must always remember the good I have. Great family, great support, a heavenly father that loves me, and so much more.

Lastly, “It’s more than a feeling” my love for my wife and kids.  Yes, love is a strong feeling. As with any marriage, there is the honeymoon stage that a couple goes thru and then the multiple stages beyond that so many people just give up on their partner. My love for my family is more than a feeling. It’s reality. It’s something that can’t change, they are my everything.

If this doesn’t make sense, it’s because I’m sleep deprived and have been for over a month.  Sleep comes in short bouts of 1-2 hrs at a time. Just trying to do something that helps me focus my mind and hopefully get me out of the funk I’ve felt. Ask those closest to me and they can likely tell you that some of that positivity that I used to have has left and I need to get it back. This is my first step to get it back. I plan to keep sharing with you more frequently and some of them may even be coherent. Thanks for reading this far. Please share thoughts and anything you’d like to hear about. Having a topic to write on helps. Thanks!

    

Testy Universe

Ouch!  Today hurt a bit. I’ve read that when you commit to something, the universe tests that commitment.  My test is something that hurts. Any artist can identify with me and so I feel it only fair to share what led me to this predicament.  

As many of you know, I am a very goal oriented person. Lately I felt my life was in disarray. Nothing really was planned and life was just passing me by.  It wasn’t going slowly either, but rather the speed of a freight train. Life pushed and pushed and I was determined to push back. How I was going to do that was my first question. I thought back to a post from a year ago about goals (click here). It was time to re-read it.

After consideration, I decided my goal was to once again write every day.  Yesterday was going to be my first day.  Before I had the chance to write I found the following quote barely legible in my chicken scratch on a old faded piece of paper. It was so bad I couldn’t even read who said it.

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

Excellence is not an act, it is a habit."

In order to be sure that I accomplished my goals I was determined to write last night.  It was nearly midnight and I worked early the next morning. I didn’t care. If there was ever a time, it was now to form the habit. So...I spent some time writing.  You’d think that was my test. Exhaustion I could handle.

I was determined to not let another late night happen.  With my laptop pulled out and flash drive inserted I felt it was going to be a productive day of writing.  DEAD WRONG!  Somehow I lost all of my book except the first chapter.  It was backed up on computer and flash drive.  Apparently that was not enough.

As an artist (photographer, writer, etc...), I’m sure that if you lost a piece of work that you’d spent a lot of time on you’d feel the pain.  It’s a pain that lingers still...kinda like the smell of a stinky fart. This was my challenge. My test from the universe. A simple finger click that destroyed my written art and left me feeling discouraged, depleted, and lost.

For and instant the feeling of despair made me consider quitting. I’m not a quitter. It’s not my nature. Instead of giving up I reached deep.  Reaching out to others is what it took to give me a better perspective.  As with all things in life, perspective makes all the difference. “Is the glass half empty or half full?”

I get the chance to rewrite those chapters and make them better than before.  Guess that’s what my work needed to be “world class.”  This principle applies to anything in life. For example, my second marriage, I can learn from my first and make it last for time and eternity.  My second child (on the way – my little princess) will provide me with new lessons to learn. Life is about learning, growing, serving, and joy.  Even in the trials we can be grateful. 

Although the pain of the loss lingers, it has helped me remember perspective. It’s time to get tough, grit out the challenges and make something of this life. LIFE IS GREAT! GOD IS GREAT!    

Happiness is a Choice

Have you ever had a where you doubted your abilities? They can be challenging days to stay positive. I had to continually remind myself to stay positive today (and often found myself in a negative mood for a few moments). I think the worst part was actually recognizing the negativity and the impacts it had on others.

As many of you are away, my goal in life is to be a positive impact in the lives of others. I figure the first step in helping others is to be able to be positive yourself.  That's one of the reasons why I love my girlfriend...she is always reminding me to think more positively, always being that inspiration for me!

Over the past 3 weeks I've been at a new job. I spent the last 2 weeks out of town in North Carolina, training for the job. The training was more systems based and less sales training. For me, I could have learned the systems in 1 day and spent the rest of the time really learning the sales process in the industry.

Today was my first real day doing outbound cold calls to business to sell and get business. It's a rough industry to start out in but I have a good base + commission. I also have a few clients I am already working with, making things feel a little better. I've been doing sales for years and I have felt comfortable on the phone, yet for some reason today I felt like things weren't clicking....that I wasn't getting it.

It took a very conscious reminder that I can do this and that I am given a very liberal "ramp" up schedule because they understand that this business takes time. I'm just now realizing that I should have come up with some form of visual aid to remind me of my abilities.  Even if it is just writing those reminders down on a piece of paper multiple times throughout the day.

Instead of treading water for the entire day I prayed....kept praying for help....then focused on the results.  Things started to turn around in the afternoon after a break for lunch (food definitely helped...and talking to my girlfriend).

Later in the evening I held a family home evening. Ian (my boy) was not listening very well this evening (well lately in general).  A conversation about discipline ensued and how Ian needs to have more discipline while at my house. I'm sure it's been as hard on him going from mom's, dad's, and sitter's.  I think that has added to part of his struggles with discipline lately.  No excuses though....what really hurt me is that for a little bit I felt like I wasn't capable of being the dad he needed. That thought quickly dissipated though as I realized that if I didn't worry about being a better father every day then I wasn't really as good a father as I could and should be.  

When I sit back and think about it, I truly am a pretty good dad. I care, I fight for my time with him. I love him dearly and he knows it. I focus on trying to raise him with good standards and provide the best life for him. We pray, we do family home evening, we go to church, we study the scriptures, and I talk with him about the important things in life.

It's taking a few minutes to think about all the good things (even if there is room for improvement) that make one happy. Being happy makes all the difference in success. People can tell when you are happy. People love being around other happy people.

Lessons learned today

·         Pray for Help

·         Take Action

·         Find Visual Reminders

·         Write Down What You Are Good At

·         Remember Those That Love You

Other lessons I've learned since I last wrote include the importance of the Gospel in my life.  Many of you may know my background, others may not so I'll briefly share. During my childhood and early adult life I went to church always. There was a moment I questions things but quickly gained a knowledge of the gospel and served a mission (I learned a lot about the gospel and life in general while there). 1 1/2 yrs after I returned I got married in the temple and shortly after that somehow fell away from the church.  Not sure how it happened....I could make excuses but it happened.

Off and On during the next 7 years I tried to get back. I lived the standards (except going to church) Habits are hard to break (free Sundays to do what you want). Finally, after years of effort I was able to get back consistently (for well over a year now). This past week I missed church because I was in North Carolina and had no way to get there.  Even with daily scripture studies, missing church and sacrament one week took so much out of me. It was a tough week not having been able to participate in such a sacred ordinance. It felt so good to get back to church yesterday, further instilling my determination to not let life get in the way of my salvation (and the salvation of my family).

So...the lesson learned is really the importance of regular church attendance. I will never let experiences of my past happen again and I will always put God first in my life. It was a lesson I wish had been learned the easy way...but it wouldn't have meant as much to me if it had been easy. I wouldn't have known what it means to have the joy of the gospel in my life, at least not in the same way I do now. I won't sacrifice that joy again. It is too important to me. It's all about the eternities!

Basically...tonight I am just grateful and reminded that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE!!!

Relinquish Control - 8/21/2013

As promised, I am writing again. I asked my girlfriend what a good topic to be was. She said caterpillars. We shall see. Either way, there is a story and a topic that will be based loosely on a story she shared with me about caterpillars.  Tonight though is more about relinquishing control of your life. Giving it to a higher power and just enjoying the ride.

“Be willing to relinquish the life you’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for you.”

– Joseph Campbell.

This lesson is one that really hits home lately. It’s one that has brought me so much more happiness than I could have anticipated. Isn’t our goal in life to have joy?

At the end of last year/beginning of this year my divorce was anticipated to be over.  Instead it took nearly 6 more months. I was getting really frustrated at the delay. There didn’t seem to be any reason for the delay and it was preventing me from moving on with my life.

I had dated for a bit but church teachings advised not to date until divorce was final and I made the decision to stop until the divorce was final. I waited...and waited. During that time I learned a lot. Finally I was comfortable with myself, something that had been missing for quite some time. Habits were built of reading positive things daily. Overall I was happy during that time.

Yes...there were the struggles with work. I needed to move on, I felt it, I knew it, but I was not willing to relinquish control. I wanted that stability, felt I needed it. It took several months for me to really start looking for work. Only a few days before I lost my job did I really start working with my current employer to get that job. At that time I relinquished control to God (that experience taught me something too which I’ll share in a bit).

When my divorce was finally complete mid May I wasn’t sure I wanted to date. Anyone that talked to me knew I had said I was going to start dating as soon as the divorce was over. I wasn’t sure that I was ready at that point.

One fateful evening I set up an account on match.com. To say I was a bit apprehensive about it was an understatement. Dating in my 30’s was bound to be a nightmare, so I thought.  Within a week I went on my first and only first date (been dating her ever since)!

Positive reading material all taught me that I needed to relinquish control so I gave in. In fear I let myself open my heart, way quicker than I could have ever planned. One experience that helped me open up was how supportive and positive she when I lost my job. That type of thing can really show how someone handles tough situations. She passed with flying colors J Every day I find something else that I love about her. She continues to be a support and a positive influence for me. I just hope that I can return as much as I receive. All this because I relinquished control!

During our time dating we have both been out of town for several weeks. It’s been difficult but each one of those trips has taught us something important. Starting out a new relationship I would never have planned to be apart. God has a plan...we can accept it and be happy, or we can be stubborn, unhappy, and fight our future. If I had been stubborn (which I usually am) and only let life go the way I planned I would never have met the most amazing woman in the world!

Being blessed so abundantly because I let God plan my life has been spectacular. When I say to I let God plan my life, yes I have but that doesn’t mean that I’ve just sat back and done nothing. Laziness doesn’t work. It’s not part of the plan. What is needed is for you to do your best and wait for the rest!  

Plan, work hard, and be ready to accept the changes as they come your way. You’ll be happier than you could ever be by relinquishing that control and letting yourself be happy and knowing that you did what was right for you. I wish only the best for each of you. Relinquish control, give God the reigns and know that even in challenges you are better off. I leave you with a few positive quotes that remind you to relinquish control, enjoy the moment and know there is a better future for you!

“An Arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, just imagine that it’s going to launch you into something great”

“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it…This will miraculously transform your whole life.”

–Eckhart Tolle

“Don’t make the mistake of waiting for your life to be sorted before you start having a good time. Get out there and enjoy yourself. When you start fully engaging with your life right where you are, you’ll become energized, and so will your life.”

- Jackee Holder

Quote of the Day - 08/19/2013

Rather than provide a specific quote of the day today I pose a couple of questions for you to ponder. After you've thought about them, please share. I'd love to know what makes you happy and what you do to stay happy during struggles. I also know that others would love to know because I don't know everything and I know that what you say may be what changes someone else's life.

What makes you the happiest in life? 

What would do during a rough patch in your life to ensure you stayed positive and happy?

What can you do to make others happy? When was the last time you did that?